The True Self is the Person You Want Others to Believe You Are
The central argument of the article, supported by research, is that what we perceive as our authentic self or "true" self is significantly shaped by what we believe society values. In essence, it says that our sense of self is not entirely intrinsic but rather influenced by our perceptions of external expectations.
As someone who thinks a lot about self-discovery and self-actualization, I find the question of what influences our idea of self incredibly fascinating. My understanding, before reading the article, was that the person I aspire to be is somehow etched within me. Through my interactions with the world and continuous reflection on those interactions, I learn about myself, discovering my preferences along the way. So my view was that there's an inherent "true" self and that through experience and reflection, we can get closer to understanding it. However, the article presents an alternate, even a contradicting view.
It's also worth attention that it's not necessarily what others actually value, but rather what we perceive they value. This makes it a deeper and recursive problem to analyze. If that's true, how do we develop a sense of what others value? Does that sense come from our "true" self? Do we project our own inherent beliefs and values onto others, assuming they value what we do? And if that's the case, where do our core values originate?
Goggins stated that his biggest fear is that he dies, and God (or whoever God assigns the task to) shows him a board with a list of accomplishments: physically fit, Navy SEAL, pull-up record holder, inspirational speaker who helps others. Goggins imagines saying, “That’s not me.” And God responds, “That’s who you were supposed to be.”
the feeling of authenticity (or lack thereof) comes from whether or not we are acting in line with the reputation we want
“If the main purpose of the self is to integrate the animal body into the social system (so it can survive and reproduce), then cultivating a good reputation is a paramount concern, and when one succeeds, even momentarily, there will be a welcome feeling of ‘That’s me!’”
Is our true self just a sheep that goes along with what society expects us to do?The true self, Baumeister and other researchers suggest, isn’t actually a real thing: It’s an idea and an ideal. The true self is how we fondly imagine we could be. When we act in accordance with that ideal, then we think, That’s who I am. When we stray from it, we think, That’s not me.